Bat-Men Previews

Originally published May 29, 1992

I don’t generally like to discuss movies before they’ve opened, but several things prompt me to comment on the upcoming “Batman Returns”: The letter in “Oh So” wondering why no one has talked about the preview; the presentation on “Batman” given at the recent Wondercon; and the preview article in the April 24 issue of “Entertainment Weekly.”

Now I wish to point out that, several years ago, I almost got myself lynched at a convention when I stated publicly–during the height of fan ire over the announced director and cast of “Batman”–that I had no intrinsic problem with Tim Burton directing and Michael Keaton starring. My point was that Burton was a gifted director, Keaton was a talented actor, and just because they were primarily associated with comedy didn’t mean that they couldn’t do the caped crusader “right.” In fact, even their comedy had a dark underside to it.

Audiences made very angry noises when I took this position. So I felt some measure of vindication when, after the film opened and talk turned to sequels, I heard people say loudly, “Well it had better be Keaton and Burton, or it’s gonna stink” (actually they were more profane than that, but after last week’s column, I don’t want to push it).

I would have added that I hope Danny Elfman is back along for the music. As my wife pointed out, that dramatic Batmobile car chase would have lost all its intensity if it had been accompanied by the 1960s “Batman” TV theme.

So the fans got their wish. Keaton and Burton are back, along with Danny “I Still Want Him For Mr. Spacely” DeVito and Michelle “I’ve Adored Her Since Ladyhawke” Pfeiffer. And some weeks back, a two-minute trailer ran on “Entertainment Tonight.”

It made a lot of people excited.

It made me nervous.

Pfeiffer, one of the most restrained actresses I’ve ever seen, was overacting wildly.

If such scenes as the Penguin in longjohns, summoning troops of penguins with missile launchers on their heads, was supposed to invoke anything other than giggles, we might have a problem.

Batman stood around…a lot. “Gotta fly!” announced the Penguin. And Batman was utterly frozen during an endless sequence while the Penguin’s umbrella transformed into a mini-copter. Why didn’t Batman just tackle him? Is the costume even more stiff than the previous film? Perhaps the Penguin has somehow glued him to the spot. I sure hope so.

I am also praying that the Penguin doesn’t really steal the Batmobile, since Burgess Meredith did this several times already. “Hi Ho, away in my Pengy-mobile!”

The sequence that has me most apprehensive is Batman’s little slugfest with Catwoman. She comes at him with a dazzling array of karate moves. After taking a few good shots to the head, Batman tires of being a punching bag and decks her. Fine. Catwoman looks up, stricken, and says, “How could you? I’m a woman!” Also fine.

And Batman says, “I’m sorry,” drops his guard and gets kicked in the crotch.

Pardon me. No.

Batman doesn’t say “I’m sorry.” Michael Keaton, maybe even Bruce Wayne, is dumb enough to say “I’m sorry” after properly defending against a woman who was trying to knock his block off. Batman’s response to Catwoman’s outcry would simply be, “What’s your point?” or perhaps an even more succinct, “So?”

I dislike cheap laughs at the expense of the characters. Frequently, however, such laughs don’t bother the audience at all. So this will probably be one of the more popular sequences.

In the “Entertainment Weekly” piece, though–copiously illustrated with drawings and photos–was where I found more fuel poured onto my flames of trepidation as to just how campy (there’s that word) “Batman Returns” will be. I quote:

“Burton…was especially determined to flesh out the original comic book conception of the Penguin. `He was just some fat guy in a top hat and tuxedo–it didn’t make sense,’ he says. Instead, he and DeVito made him a freak with webbed hands, abandoned by his parents as a baby and raised by penguins in Gotham City’s sewers.”

Excuse me?

Penguins? In the sewers?

Oh, well that just makes gobs more sense than the notion that the Penguin is an oddly dressed eccentric with a bird fixation. It makes you want to break into Monty Python falsetto: “Look! There’s a penguin in the sewer!”

Teenage Mutant Ninja Penguin. Swell. I mean, at least the Turtles were raised by a rat. Rats and sewers go together. But rogue, sewer-dwelling penguins is not an image I can summon easily to mind, and since I’m just a dumb comic book writer, somehow I find that this twist on the Penguin’s origin makes infinitely less sense than what we’ve already got. What next? Catwoman was raised by mutant cat people?

The thing is, coherent and logical stories have never been a staple of Burton’s films. His oeuvre is a triumph of style over substance…a testimony to Billy Crystal’s “Fernando” philosophy of “You look mahvelous.” Most of his films don’t make a whole hëll of a lot of sense on a story level, the original “Batman” included. But the direction, the editing, the cinematography, the score, all combine to elevate his movies and carry the viewer over gaps that would ordinarily shatter suspension of disbelief. (For example, I got very choked up by the sequences of “Edward Scissorhands” carving ice sculptures of the world he left behind; and it was only on the way home that I suddenly wondered where in the world he got the huge blocks of ice.)

Still, memories of camp loom, and frankly, no matter how gifted Burton is, penguins in the sewers not only does not make more sense, but is in fact pushing it. So as I said…I’m nervous.

What I have far less trepidation about is the “other” Batman project debuted at Wondercon, namely the animated series scheduled for the Fox network. An entire episode was screened featuring the origin of the Manbat.

Now of course they’re going to want to lead with one of their best episodes. One assumes there may be unevenness in the quality of animation based on who’s doing it, just as there is with “Tiny Toons.” But what I saw, folks, looked dámņ impressive.

It appears that they’ve taken the best elements from all the incarnations of Batman and combined them for this series. We see the costume from the comics (rather than Keaton’s Robocop muscle-suit), and Batman’s Holmesian detective work (something largely lacking in the film). The interplay between Batman and Alfred is straight out of Miller (upon seeing Manbat laid out unconscious in the Batcave, Alfred merely inquires, “Two for dinner, sir?”). Upcoming plots and characterization are derivative of Englehart, Miller, O’Neil…all of the best.

But the Batmobile, Gotham’s environs, much of the music, all seem inspired by the film.

Oddly, the overall look of the character design and styling remind me of someone who never, to my knowledge, drew Batman–namely Will Eisner. In fact, if there were ever going to be an animated version of “The Spirit,” the gang at Warner Communications is unquestionably the crew to do it.

I particularly enjoyed the attention to detail, such as Commissioner Gordon casually pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose–a common enough gesture for anyone wearing glasses, but something you never see in cartoons. Although I could have done without Gordon’s hairstyle…it looked like it came out of a Dairy Queen dispenser, and no matter how strong the wind was, it didn’t lose its shape.

At the climax, Batman snags Manbat with a rope, and Manbat–undeterred–hurtles skyward, dragging Batman on an unwilling aerial tour of Gotham City. Very exciting, edge-of-the-seat stuff.

Look for such notables to provide voice work as Mark Hamill for the Joker (this, combined with his Trickster turn, should earn him the unquestioned title of Crown Prince of Comic Book Dementia), Richard Moll as Harvey Dent (and, presumably, Two-Face), David Warner as Ra’s A Ghul, and many others (I’ll try and get a complete list for a future column when we’re closer to air date).

I close, then, with this–I can’t help but wonder if the folks in the movie version of Gotham City are going to tumble to the realization that they never had any sort of problems with costumed villains until Batman came along…and that maybe if Batman departed, then they would, too. Will the sequel to “Batman Returns” be called “Batman Goes Away?” Tune in to find out…same Bat time, same Bat channel.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, was also saddened to learn at Wondercon that it was apparently the last performance of the musical group “Seduction of the Innocent.” According to lead singer Bill Mumy, there will be no annual gig at the San Diego Comic Con. Mumy stated that a new person was put in charge of acquiring entertainment for the convention; that she had never heard of “Seduction”; that she informed them she could get a local band to play for less than it would cost to bring in “Seduction”; but that they could send in an audition tape if they wanted to. The Seduction guys, feeling that they had nothing to prove and also feeling somewhat irked at being told they could be low-balled, told the convention to forget it. So there goes that tradition. And I was so looking forward to making an idiot of myself at San Diego by singing “Monster Mash”…not to mention hearing my favorite Seduction number, “King Jack,” performed for the Kirby’s 50th wedding anniversary. Aww nuts. Well, to quote “Princess Bride”…no one said life is fair. It’s just fairer than death, that’s all.)