Day: January 31, 2006

What the HÊLL is with this guy’s left eyebrow? He’s like Spock on crack.

PAD

And here we go. We’re watching on NBC. Here is…Brian Williams.

9:01: Here come members of the Supreme Court. I think it’d be cooler if they all entered in one shoulder to shoulder line in slo-mo, like in “The Right Stuff.” Or “Monsters Inc.”

9:02: NBC commentators are talking about everything that’s wrong. I wonder if Fox is talking about everything that’s right.

9:03: Wow. Even Fox is talking about divisiveness. That can’t be good.

9:05: NBC speculates that Bush has changed the face of the SC for at least the next twenty years. Entirely possible, and too depressing to contemplate.

9:06: Bush is said to be in a small holding room. Makes him sound like a rodeo bull. I wonder if his testicles will be tied tightly to get a better show.

9:07: And now, in advance, the Democratic response: “Pbbbbbthhhh!”

9:08: The Sergeant at arms is “Bill Livingood.” Gotta love that name.

9:09: Caroline has offered her commentary in advance: The moment Bush was introduced, she farted and dropped a load in her diaper.

9:11: Four minutes of applause and counting.

9:11: And they applaud AGAIN? Just for being introduced? Bet the SC high-fived each other.

9:12: Okay, who had twenty-five words into the speech before he invoked King?

9:13: “Differences can’t harden into anger.” Sorry. That ship sailed in the year 2000.

9:15: Who had three minutes into the speech for 9/11?

9:16: Yes, Democracy has replaced terrorism with hope. In Israel, the hope is that the Democratically elected terrorists won’t destroy them.

9:17: Oh. Bin Laden is serious about mass murder. Funny. A few years ago, he said he wasn’t thinking about bin Laden much.

9:18: Terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror

9:19: Terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror

9:20 Yes. We liberated death camps…so we can open our own torture camps. It’s like Walmart liberating neighborhoods of mom and pop stores.

9:21: If he believes in freedom, in democracy, and in Iraq…why is he against the concept of Iraqis holding an election to determine whether we should leave or not?

9:22: We have a coalition? I thought we had our troops and three guys named Nigel.

9:23: Oh, NOW he’s going to listen to military commanders? The same ones who said that invading Iraq was a bad idea?

9:24: And here, before I could say that he was curtailing opinions he’d respond to to “Responsible opinion,” he goes and basically admits that anyone who doesn’t fit that–namely, those he doesn’t like–are being ignored.

9:25: “Second guessing isn’t a strategy.” Considering the lack of strategy going into Iraq in the first place…

9:27: All right. Who had eighteen minutes until he singled out one soldier and his family to hold up as a symbol of his wonderful war. The wife, trapped on camera, looked like an incredibly pìššëd øff deer in the headlights.

9:28: Welcome to the state of the terror address.

9:29: Accountable institutions? The head of a government that tries to block any bid at accountability is talking about being held accountable?

9:30: Oh…my God…he’s talking about attacking Iran.

9:31: No one is talking about isolationism. People are talking about freaking invading other countries.

9:32: By all means, let’s not shortchange the efforts of a compassionate America. We should…oops. More terrorism talk.

9:33: Does he understand it’s possible to support the military, law enforcement…and not the President?

9:34: AND NOW WE’VE GOT A GAME. Half of them sit while the other half stands in supporting the patriot act. “We didn’t know about their plans until it was too late.” This is the point where Jon Stewart would cut to a clip of Condi Rice saying, “I believe the title was ‘Bin laden intends to attack US”

9:35: Hillary is shaking her head thinking “You áššhølë.”

9:35: The Master of Accountability insists that he must have an eavesdropping program that doesn’t require accountability.

9:37: He has the gall to invoke FDR and JFK?

9:38: Whenever Bush speaks of “Natural disasters” I keep thinking I’m looking at the biggest one to hit the US in years.

9:39; No one is saying immigrants are bad for the economy. They’re saying illegal immigrants are bad for the economy.

9:39: He’s gonna try for more tax cuts.

9:40: There it is.

9:41: Symbolic, really. The Democrats are expressing distaste by sitting on their áššëš. When are they gonna realize they have to GET OFF THEIR ÃSSÊS TO MAKE THINGS BETTER?

9:42: Right, right. Line item veto. Notice the hypocrisy of the GOP applauding when they screamed over Clinton trying the same thing.

9:43: YES! YES! YES! THEY GOT OFF THEIR ÃSSÊS!

9:44: I have NEVER seen a president look THAT PÍSSÊÐ ØFF during the SOTU!

9:45: No one can outproduce the American worker. Except, y’know, maybe Japan.

9:45: And China. And Korea. And…

9:46: No you’re not meeting the responsibility of health care for the poor and elderly. You cut it.

9:47: Okay, that’s a good point. The medical liability thing is, if nothing else, driving OBGYNs out of the baby delivery business.

9:48: “Clean safe nuclear energy.” There’s a contradiction in terms.

9:49: I’m all for making dependence on ME oil a thing of the past. Certainly invading them to try and take it by force isn’t working.

9:51: A firm grounding in math and science? Here’s a fast way to start: Make it illegal for kids to have pocket calculators with them during math tests. What the hëll is up with that?

9:52: We don’t need more advanced math courses. We need more remedial courses. We’ve got a population that can’t do the most basic functions.

9:53: Yes, we’ve become a more hopeful nation: And yet, no matter how much we hope, Bush is still there.

9:54: BUSH is talking about personal responsbility? That’s like Hannibal Lecter talking about becoming a vegetarian.

9:55: The pessimists predicted Bush would be elected and re-elected. They were right about that.

9:58: I’m sorry. I don’t see where a guy who endorses torture, spying on citizens, capital punishment, and cutting off medical research that could cure Altzheimers gets to talk about being compassionate.

10:01: By all means, let’s do whatever we can to eliminate AIDS. So how’s that condom in schools program working out?

10:02: And now he obliquely compares himself to Lincoln and MLK. How does he find trousers that hang right with balls that big?

10:03: Interesting that of the four major political/historical figures he compared himself to, three of them were assassinated.

10:03: Fifty one minutes. Hunh. I have to think that Caroline’s commentary at the beginning was the most succinct.

I’ll be watching the State of the Union tonight and will be offering a running commentary as it goes on this site. If you’re interested in an unbiased, even-handed, completely fair series of observations on the President’s address to the country, then I suggest you stay the hëll away from here. It begins at 9 PM EST.

PAD