POTATO MOON, Part 71: “Decisions” by Alison Aspasia

NOTE FROM PAD: Sorry for the delay, Potato Tots (my freshly coined name for fans of the story, since “Potato Moonies” has unfortunate connotations.) It was entirely on my end; Alison turned in her contribution right on time. I’ve been pretty brain fried because of Comicon. I’ll tell you all about it shortly.

“You what?” Jakob asked from the floor. “But aren’t they me? You baked me?”

“Well you were half-baked already,” Bela said unsympathetically,
walking over to where the doctor was looking awkwardly into his Oven.
Edwood followed.

“That’s nothing compared to the half-bakedness of this book,”
Something added to no-one in particular. (Unless he was directing it
to you, thus breaking the fourth wall. Considering his experiences
with Bášŧárd, it is probably unlikely he would want to engage with an
audience again, so just ignore him). He stopped to help Jakob up and
they joined Bela and Edwood.

The five of them stared into the Oven.

“Well,” Doctor John Smith said. “They’re harmless now, anyway.”

“But how the russet are you going to get me to reabsorb them like
that?” Jakob asked, with an edge of hysteria. It was bad enough just
discovering that he was half-werewolf and half-potato, had killed his
own mother, his father was looking to kill him, was a shapeshifter
governed by his own subconscious, and had a severe multiple
personality disorder. Now, he had been partially baked as well. He was
beginning to reconsider the curling up in a ball plan, Bela or no
Bela.

“I… don’t know,” the doctor admitted. “But! I didn’t know how you
were going to reabsorb them before either so we’re probably not that
much worse off.”

Jakob looked like he wanted to say something else, but the doctor
carried on, seeming to want to get away as quickly as possible before
they got into an argument.

“Well, hi ho, on we go. I’ll figure that out and deal with Woeisme.
You four try and find some more bits of Jakob and try not to get
killed by El Patata. Good luck.” And with that, he escaped into his
time machine and shut the door.

Edwood decided at this point that he really ought to do something
again, apart from looking pretty. He didn’t want to search for the
Corn Chip of Courage with Jakob right next to him; any courage gained
by the poor were-potato would surely be ruined by shame and
embarrassment.

“Here, potato potato potato,” he called instead. “Come here, nice bits
of Jakob. And nasty bits too, but slower please so you’re less
threatening.”

“That’s really not going to work,” Something said impatiently, right
before a figure appeared at the other end of the garage, silhouetted
against the light.

“Er… checkers?” Bela asked the figure.