Originally published April 17, 1998, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1274
(And now… a But I Digress Elseworlds Green Lantern story…)
Subj: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-24 16:05:32 EST
From: Insider
Okay, hold on to your hats. Ever since word broke about the revival of Flash, there’s been all kinds of talk about who’s going to be next. And my inside contacts say it’s–get ready–Green Lantern. Details to follow as soon as I get them. The long dry spell is over! Beware, evil! Lantern’s light will be shining again.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-24 16:55:41 EST
From: Wondy
Well, let’s hope to God they’ve learned from their mistakes. The Flash “revival” three years ago was a disaster. With that stupid red costume that looks like long underwear and a new identity… and the whole thing with the true Golden Age heroes actually just being comic book characters… it was pure idiocy. Here’s to the return of the one, true, Green Lantern, Alan Scott.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-24 17:02:05 EST
From: IbisInvinc
I’m with you, Wondy. I have to admit, I’m not sure how to react to this. I’d love to say that I believe D.C. comics is capable of pulling this off, but frankly the “Flash” debacle has soured me on them altogether. National Publications seems to me a rather cynical bunch who’s just out to make a few bucks off of the memories of their truly classic characters. I’d like to be impressed… but I’m not holding my breath.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 14:27:01 EST
From: Insider
Okay… I know you guys are going to flip…
They’re doing it again. D.C. editors and some fans *somewhere* supposedly like the new Flash so much that they’ve decided to give Green Lantern the same start-from-scratch treatment. The new Green Lantern is going to be Hal Jordan, a pilot who comes upon a dying alien named Abin Sur. Abin Sur sought out Jordan because Jordan is supposed to be absolutely fearless. He gives Jordan a ring, a green and black uniform, and a power battery, and says he’s supposed to be the new Green Lantern.
Then he dies, leaving Jordan with a ring operated by will power, but unable to affect anything that’s the color yellow because of a “necessary impurity” in the ring. And Jordan starts his crime fighting.
You know, D.C. has no bigger fan than me, but I have to say it sounds kind of lame. There’s a
picture of the new GL on my web page. Check it out.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 14:32:11 EST
From: AllWinner
NYAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT’S GONNA STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKK!
SO CLOSE! WE WERE SO CLOSE TO GETTING THE LANTERN BACK, AND NOW THIS!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 14:32:11 EST
From: IbisInvinc
And it’s so typical. Sooo typical. They have to lean on this science fiction garbage. Aliens from outer space? Why does it have to be ALIENS, for pity’s sake? A cheap and unoriginal attempt to cash in on the popularity of all these lousy B-movies we’ve choked on the past few years. FLYING SAUCER CRAZE And “fearless?” How pointless. If he’s fearless, he’s not a hero. He’s just too dumb to be scared.
And I checked out the costume. Good lord. Who the hëll designed that thing? Green and red was the perfect combo. This thing is green and black. Was the designer color blind?
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 14:43:35 EST
From: Wondy
And no cape! Did you see? No cape! Was there anything more majestic than the sight of Green
Lantern sweeping towards you with that cape swirling around him. And yellow? YELLOW? Wood as a weakness makes sense! YELLOW? I can just see his villains: Chicken Man. Captain Banana.
Thanks for the tip, Insider. Least I’m going to be able to save my dime.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 14:57:01 EST
From: Wildcat
I am not taking this lying down, no sir. Not buying it isn’t enough. Boycott. Boycott boycott boycott. We do not have to have this shoved down our throats. No sir. Boycott the whole line. Write to everybody. Let them know that they’re sending the whole company right down the toilet. I’m getting up a petition. Who’s with me?
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 15:02:41 EST
From: CptVideo
Sign me up. This stinks on ice.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 15:05:29 EST
From: Bob283
Anyone who gives this a chance is an idiot. Sign me up, too.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 15:07:18 EST
From: AllWinner
GOOOOOOOOOO BOYCOTT!!!! LET’S BLOW UP D.C. WHILE WE’RE AT IT!!
EVERYONE WHO HELPS WITH THIS GARRRRBAGE STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINKS!!
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 15:10:33 EST
From: Spectre
Oh, come on, aren’t you all overreacting just a little? Maybe it won’t be so bad. At least the power ring and the name are back. And the stories might actually be good. Shouldn’t we give it at least a chance before we trash it?
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 15:12:27 EST
From: LilWiseGuy
As usual, Spectre, you don’t have a ghost of an clue. D.C. figures that all they have to do is put out a comic called “Green Lantern” and we’ll plunk down our hard-earned dimes for it. It doesn’t matter if it actually IS Green Lantern. They figure we’re idiots and will buy anything. And jerks like you prove them right.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 15:13:41 EST
From: Hellison
LilWiseGuy is usually braindead, but this time I’m with him.
There is only one George Washington. There is only one Abraham Lincoln. There is only one Marx Brother. And there is only one Green Lantern…THE Green Lantern, Alan Scott, and any two-bit imposters who get in my way are going to get what’s coming to them.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 15:13:41 EST
From: SpySmshr
Did you notice? Hal Jordan…”Jordan” as in the River Jordan, or Jordanians. Abin Sur…sounds like an Arab name to me. If you ask me, this has a hidden message that builds up enemies of Israel and probably has a secret anti-semitic theme to it. I may buy it just to read it over for further hidden meanings.
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 15:16:09 EST
From: AllWinner
I GOT IT! I GOT THE PERFECT STORY! THEY BRING IN THIS HAL JORDAN GREEN
LANTERN… AND THEN HE GOES COMPLETELY NUTS AND KILLS A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE BECAUSE THAT’S HOW NUTS HE IS, AND ALAN SCOTT, THE REAL GREEN LANTERN, COMES BACK AND SAVES THE DAY! I THINK WE SHOULD SUGGEST IT!
Subj: Re: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-26 15:19:29 EST
From: Dooley9
Well, I’ll tell you, AllWinner, I thought that was a lousy idea. But to be fair, I asked my little son, Kevin, what he thought, and he seemed pretty excited about it. And it was so cute… he asked his invisible friend, “Kyle,” what he thought, and Kyle seemed to like it, too.
So who knows? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. After all, who knows what the future will bring?
(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705.)
• 
Subj: Green Lantern Revival
Date: 59-05-27 01:05 EST
From: ElvisIsTheKing
Great. Just great. Next thing you know, they’ll bring back the Atom, but make him even smaller… maybe only a foot tall, or even just six inches. And hey! If they brought back The Flash, shouldn’t the next one back be Hawkman?!?!? Heaven forbid. They’d probably make him from outer space or something.
Plus ce change…
PAD –
Are you aware of a fanzine Roy Thomas worked in before he started at Marvel Comics? I read an article a few years ago about the fanzine issues published just as DC Silver Age heroes were coming along.
Some of the comments were eerily similar to your satire, and Eric Sofer’s post. Including speculation that the new Atom would be microscopic, that the new Starman would be an alien, and that all that sci-fi bûllšhìŧ was cheap and a fad.
I know of the fanzine, but aside from an issue here or there, I never read it.
PAD
Champions Online, the superhero MMORPG, today introduced the first wave of vehicles for characters. Starting when the idea was first proposed, the official forums read a lot like the above.
Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose, I suppose…
There’s an online Champions? Geez!
I remember reading this article when it was first published. And I especially liked Harlan Ellison’s (Hellison) line “there is only one Marx Brother”, which (subtly– to the degree that people who actually make posts like those understand subtlety) points out the ludicrousness of some statements on posts like those.
As I was reading the column just now, I thought that if A) there had been message boards back then, and B) someone had suggested giving this new Green Lantern character a try– even going so far as to suggest that 10 friends contribute a penny each to a copy they could pass around among themselves (so they wouldn’t be losing much if it did stink)– then C) some of the “complainers” would over-react to that idea, too.
If superhero comics had existed in the mid 19th century, and several characters had been “updated” after several years of non-publication, I’ve no doubt “fans” would have sent a flurry of complaining telegrams back and forth.
Either that or Pony Express riders would have had all that much more mail to deliver.
Rick
Incidentally, it looks like the original Green Lantern chose to have a bizarre costume. From entry #45 in Comic Book Urban Legends: “In his first appearance, Alan revealed the exact reasoning behind his costume choice. He CHOSE to appear so garish because, as he says in All-American Comics #16, “”I must make myself a dreaded figure! I must have a costume that is so bizarre that once I am seen I will never be forgotten!””
In that sense, I think Flaming Carrot wins…
Nicely done. The Marvel comic “Wha … Huh?” (2005) did something similar, with a series of 1 page text pieces: “What if … the internet existed in 1965/1975/1985?” (For some reason, the MCDU digital version doesn’t include those pages, so you’ll need to find a paper version to read them.)
I particularly liked the Watchmen comment: “If I wanted to read a pirate comic I would buy a #$%in’ pirate comic! Stop stretching out the story and get to the point!!”