Originally published December 15, 2000, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1413
I fell asleep watching CNN and its continuous coverage of the presidential mess—and I had a dream. In my dream, Bush, Gore, and Nader were each reading newspapers while “Fugue for Tinhorns” from Guys and Dolls was playing. Bush’s headline read, “Bush Wins!” Gore’s read, “Gore’s Got More!” Nader’s read, “Nader The Spoiler!” Then there was a trumpet fanfare, they lowered their papers, and each sang in succession…
Bush (to Gore)
I got the votes right here.
The people made it clear
They want me, ’cause my face
Is real sincere.
Concede!
Concede!
My dad says you should concede,
And my brother Jeb agreed:
Concede!
Concede!
Concede!
Concede!
My dad says you should concede,
And my brother Jeb agreed:
Concede!
Concede!
C’mon and give up, Gore!
You’re being such a bore!
Why should the country
Take this any more?
Give up!
Give up!
You know you should just
Give up!
It’s time for you to
Give up!
Give up!
My cabinet’s all set,
So no reprieve you’ll get!
I’ll execute the people’s
Will, you bet!
Concede!
Concede!
For God’s sake, will you concede?
I’m gonna go smoke some weed.
Concede!
Concede!
Give it up!
I got the votes
Right
Here!
Gore
But look: The ballot’s bad.
More votes are to be had,
If I could just get rid of this
Hanging chad.
Recount!
Recount!
We need to have hand recount.
Till we get the right amount,
Recount!
Recount!
As I already said,
My hopes are still not dead,
You snippy frat-boy, drives-
Drunk coke-snort head!
Got more!
Got more!
The truth is that Gore got more!
Who cares if I’m such a bore?
I still
Got more!
Joe Lieberman has got
At attitude that’s hot
We’ll count up votes until
Next Tu ’Bishvat.
Take back,
Take back,
We’re taking
The whole think back.
Took it back!
I got the votes
Right
Here!
Nader
I got just three percent
But I still made a dent,
And thanks to me
Al Gore is not president.
Gore sucks!
Gore sucks!
And George Bush—
He also sucks!
But I got no
matching bucks
That sucks!
That sucks!
Although my party Green
Was not a lean machine,
We made enough noise to be
heard, not seen
Kicked ášš!
Kicked ášš!
I wish we had kicked
some ášš.
Instead, we gave Bush
a pass
He’s such
An ášš.
I’m crying in my beers,
But don’t you worry, dears,
’Cause I’ll be back again
In just four years.
You both suck!
I got the votes
Right
Here!
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