Day: October 2, 2020

We will not laugh.

This is serious business.

We are * heh * we are adults here and we will not laugh at the situation.  There are * heh heh * there are lives on the line and we will not chuckle, guffaw or otherwise spread any sense of amusement over the…

…the…

BWWAAAAAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHHHHHHAAAAA

Ha.

Okay.  Okay, I’ve composed myself now.  God, for the first time in my life, I know exactly how Mary Richards felt at the funeral of Chuckles the Clown.

For anyone who has just woken up or was living under a rock or is recovering from a coma and doesn’t know what I’m talking about:  Both Trump and Melania have tested positive for that notorious hoax, Covid-19.  It seems most likely that he contracted it from Hope Hicks, although amazingly a day or so ago it was clear he was trying to lay groundwork for the notion that he got it from the police or military.  “I’m with them so much.  And when they come over here, it’s very hard to say, stay back, stay back.  It’s a tough kind of situation,” he asserted, implying that if he contracted Covid, it would be from enthusiastic soldiers or law enforcement.  Gee, what a shame that he doesn’t have a coterie of body guards who could stand between him and those who want to approach him and keep them back.  Oh, wait…

There’s one other thing that’s certain now:  the whole Trump family must have it.  They were all sitting together, unmasked, on Tuesday night.  Ivanka, Eric, Don Jr., Barron…the odds are Yuge that every one of them will test positive.

This, of course, should solve the entire next debate problem.  At the very least, he’ll still be in quarantine.  And if it sickens and weakens him, he will simply not physically be able to attend.  That means that the only way he would have to be a presence at the next debate would be over video feed, and suddenly muting him becomes VERY feasible indeed.  There were those who claimed that muting him wouldn’t help; he’d simply shout so his voice would be picked up by Biden’s microphone.  Yeah, not so much when he’s on a video screen.  

And if he dies from it…

Understand, I wish death on nobody.  But if he dies from it, I believe that will finally be the wake-up call that the purblind idiots who follow his example and don’t wear masks or social distance will require to realize the disease doesn’t care about your toughness or your politics or your arrogance.  It cares about nothing except existing and spreading.  And if you give it leave to do so, it will take that invitation and run with it.  

Still, I think it behooves us to address this development in the way that Trump himself would.  Ahem…

This is going to be the best case of Covid-19 ever.  

I mean, I’ve heard others talk about getting Covid and either getting completely better from it or in rare instances, expiring from it, although you know, if they did, it’s because they were already old and lived their lives and made bad decisions that left them open to dying from it.  But they’re nothing compared to Trump.  Trump’s Covid is going to be the biggest, the best case of Covid ever.  Doctors are already saying how impressed they are by his Covid.  That they’ve seen many cases of it, but they’ve never seen a case of it like this before.  They’re all saying that shooting bleach into his body wouldn’t have done the trick because no one has ever had a case of Covid like this before.  (Of course, they said it sarcastically, but still…). Yes, sure, Herman Cain had it, but his wasn’t nearly as bad.  Trump’s is the biggest, the most Yuge, the most Covid any coronavirus has ever seen.  In fact, after this, no one else is going to have to worry about getting it because theirs won’t be able to match up.  In fact, we should stop testing altogether, because no matter what kind of Covid anyone else has, it won’t match up or be anywhere near as bad as Trump’s.  However big it is, Trump’s is bigger.  In fact, his Covid is the rarest of all:  It’s perfect.  It’s the perfect case of Covid.  All other cases of Covid have been leading up to this one.  It’s the top, the ultimate, the absolutely most perfect case of Covid in not only the history of Covid, but the history of all diseases that have killed hundreds of thousands of people.  All the other Covids can just be forgotten about.  In fact, Sleepy Joe will probably get it just to show that he can have a better case, but his won’t be nearly as perfect.

(Much thanks to Debbie Sohn for suggesting the “biggest case of Covid” approach.)

Let’s face it:  this was inevitable.  I mean, it just was.  He ignored the advice of scientists.  He held indoor rallies, he didn’t social distance, he almost never wore masks.  It all really stems from a simple psychological reason:  He considers doing what one is told a sign of weakness.  Rules, orders, dictates, laws, those don’t apply to him.  Weakness must be avoided at all because if you’re weak, you’re a loser, and a loser is absolutely the worst thing you can be.  Better to die than to lose.

Now we see if he gets his wish.

PAD