TOP TEN PEOPLE OTHER THAN ARNOLD I’D LIKE TO SEE AS GOVERNOR, AND THE REASONS WHY

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

1) BILL MUMY: Would change state song to “Fish Heads” and force all reports about latest crises to be preceded by the words “Danger! Danger! Warning! Warning!”

2) LINDA HAMILTON: Only person in the world who was actually able to beat Arnold definitively. Would demand resignations of useless staffers by saying “You’re terminated, F*cker.”

3) HARLAN ELLISON: He might not win, but my God, the campaign speeches and debates would be worth the price of admission.

4) ALEX TREBECK: Dude’s got all the answers.

5) STAN LEE: Anyone who came up with “With great power comes great responsibility” certainly has his priorities in order. Would solve fiscal problems by sponsoring $5000 a plate dinners featuring Pamela Anderson pole dancing.

6) GEORGE TAKEI: Has genuine political experience and, as experienced helmsman, can successfully steer state to safety and away from giant amoebas. Would definitely require Walter Koenig as lieutenant governor.

7) JENNIFER LOPEZ: Would keep her out of movies.

8) RON REAGAN, JUNIOR: Father/son connection could position him for eventual run at White House, making him the first president ever to dance around on “Saturday Night Life” wearing jockey shorts.

9) RICARDO MONTALBAN: C’mon. Seriously. How cool would that be?

10) GENE HACKMAN: Proposed the only truly workable plan for solving California’s problems: Sink the dámņëd state with a carefully placed 500 megaton bomb, make a killing in real estate, and start over. In the spirit of democracy, would hold special vote to determine whether Marina del Lex, Luthorville, or Otisburg would be new state capital.

PAD

50 comments on “TOP TEN PEOPLE OTHER THAN ARNOLD I’D LIKE TO SEE AS GOVERNOR, AND THE REASONS WHY”

  4. In all seriousness, George Takei as Governor is a fantastic idea. Given his municipal involvement in LA, I’m sort of surprised he hasn’t thought about running for Mayor.

  6. I’m skeptical of a celebrity governor, simply because of the waste of flesh and bone that was Jesse Ventura. My state would have been far better off without that invalid son of a bìŧçh as our governor. The phenominal amount of time he wasted promoting his sorry self and his half-assed light-rail system (which there has been _no mention of_ since Pawlenty took office) could’ve been spent putting a pistol in his mouth and blowing his brains across the wall.

    …um. Forgive me for being disgruntled. 😀

    However, as a student, I feel offended that an uneducated jáçkášš like Ventura has the balls (likely attached to an extraordinarily small and flaccid pëņìš) to try and cut state grants to college students. Perhaps he felt too threatened by the fact that after a full semester of college, the average college student’s intelligence would far exceed his own?

    Hëll, he gave a speech at my college in my Freshman year. I went to it, out of curiosity. Ye gods, a brain-damaged lemur could’ve made a better speech.

    Another winning decision of his was to spend millions paying state employees to sort, address and mail rebates to citizens state-wide, rather than keep the money from the surplus in the treasury.

    *sighs*

    Oh well. He’s gone, now. At least my state is no longer shamed with the stigma of his filth and astounding ignorance.

  8. I’d vote for George Takei… just for that soothing voice.

    Has he ever thought about doing self-help tapes for insomniacs?

  10. I’d go with Stan Lee… Mainly because I respect the man who made the FF and Spidey… But also because if he IS losing his mind and doing stuff like Stripperella, imagine the f***ed up stuff he’d do to Disney’s theme park!

  12. HARLAN ELLISON: He might not win, but my God, the campaign speeches and debates would be worth the price of admission.

    Ðámņ, that would be awesome to watch! Only 1 problem with that though. First, Harlan would tell people EXACTLY what he thinks. Being in politics, that’s not always the best thing. Of course, I would welcome a politician speaking his mind.

    ALEX TREBECK: Dude’s got all the answers.

    Acutally, Alex has a big card with all the correct questions on it. LOL Don’t we have enough folks in politics that say exactly what others write for them?

    I’m just glad I’m across the country where I can watch all of this from a distance…kinda like watching a train wreck.

  14. While keeping J-Lo from doing any more movies is indeed a good and worthy goal worth the expenditure of much blood and treasure, it should be noted that she was shaping up as a dámņ fine actress prior to becoming a mediocre singer and then going back to acting. Selena and (especially) Out of Sight are very good movies–and Out of Sight features a superb performance from J-Lo. Too bad she’s gone so fully off the rails as an actress…

    As to Ahnuld: my feeling is that Californians are going to get exactly what they deserve for allowing the recall carnival to get this far–though, as always, the people already at the bottom of the pile will suffer for it.

  15. It’s clear to me that Davis has got to go (I’m a registered independent in NY by the way). You do your job that badly, something’s got to give. Unfortunately, the California race has turned into a circus. The only upside to this I can see is that it will reinvigorate interest in politics, something this country sorely needs.

  17. Mr. Finn, you have hit the nail on the head. For this whole election feels like an episode of the Simpsons. McBain, Gary Coleman, Gallagher, millionaires trying to buy the election, and even a 28 year old who is as earnest as Lisa Simpson (but selling thongs with her campaign logo), all running in this mess. All we need now is a three-eyed fish.

    “Why can’t someone else do it?”

  18. Mr. Finn, you have hit the nail on the head. For this whole election feels like an episode of the Simpsons.

    I was actually considering putting Dan Castellenata on the list. Wouldn’t it be worth having a governor who, every time something goes wrong, has the same reaction? “D’OH!”

    PAD

  19. I, for one, do not hope that Arold dies a somewhat horrible death, thank you very much.

    Sheesh.

    Hëll, I don’t wish death upon nearly any one.

    (There are exceptions but you don’t want to hear them.)

  20. why are you all against Arnold as governor? Is it that little (r) that would come after his name should he be elected into office? Because, as a conservative, I feel that Arnold is VERY liberal (or as the media, is prone to say, a moderate) So why the venom thrown his way? He would STILL be better than Gray Davis BY FAR.. personally i would vote for Simmons.

  22. why are you all against Arnold as governor? Is it that little (r) that would come after his name should he be elected into office?

    No. It’s because I liked T3 much more than I thought I would, it set up a potentially great sequel, and if he’s governor, it’ll likely never happen.

    Seriously. Pure selfishness on my part. Perhaps he’d do a good job as governor, but others could also do a good job. But no one else can play the T101 Terminator. It’s just a matter of distribution of resources.

    PAD

  23. Not having seend T3 yet, did they re-number Arnold? I seem to remember that he as a T100 in the first too.

    Why yes, I do remember useless trivia! Thank you!

  25. I’m voting to keep Davis in.

    The whole California Energy crisis that the (self) right(eous) wing party blames him for was all a result of ENRONS lies.

    Enron screwed CA, not Davis.

  26. “why are you all against Arnold as governor? Is it that little (r) that would come after his name should he be elected into office?”

    As a matter of fact, yes. In 2000, I was a Nader Green who believed that a persons stand on issues should be more important than his party.

    Then Republicans started airing Nader commercials with the intent of drawing votes away from Gore.

    I was enraged! How dare they use my hopes and dreams and ideals of a BETTER America, and use them to benefit a man I despised then and still despise now!?

    Since then, I wouldn’t vote for a person with an ‘R’ next to his/her name if he/she were the only candidate on the ballot.

    (PS- I’m not a Nader supporter anymore. After reading Michael Moores ‘Stupid White Men’, I cant bring myself to support Nader anymore.)

  27. Another vote for Harlan here! The pure glee I would experience by watching his speeches and debates…can you imagine the expressions on the faces of his opponents as he… I’m sorry, but I’m giggling so hard to myself right now, I can’t concentrate 🙂

  28. I like the suggestion of Ricardo Montalban. Of course, it would be best if he were running against William Shatner. Then, in a debate or a speech, he could say to him: “ah, Kirk, old friend”.

  29. It’s because I liked T3 much more than I thought I would, it set up a potentially great sequel, and if he’s governor, it’ll likely never happen.

    Well, the Terminator movies are about a bunch of ruthless, robotic entities, occasionally appearing human, who are determined to rule the world. Sounds like politics to me.

  30. Hey I’d vote for Mumy if somehow they could bring back Jonathan Harris to be his Lt. gov…William….William…

  31. I don’t see why people hate the Arnold as governor idea so much (other than the possible Terminator sequels). He seems like an intellegent person and it would be really cool to see an intelligent person who isn’t a “politician” run things. And California can’t get much worse, can it?

    By the way, in Terminator, I think he is a T-800 Model #101. Like all T-800’s endoskeletons look the same but the model number makes them different on the outside. It’s why Reese didn’t already know what he was going to look like in the first one.

  32. Having witnessed Harlan at Dragon*Con a few years ago, I’d pay to see his speeches and such. He’s a barrel of laughs. And, best of all, he generally knows what he’s talking about. 🙂

    Hey, PAD, hope they give you the air-conditioned table again this year!

  33. love all the comments! never see so much suoerman trivia…

    i’m a green who now does not agree nader or anyone should run as a green pres candidate, BUT Green Peter Camejo would make a great gov!

    or larry flynt…..

  34. He smoked pot. He’s the scion of a Nazi. He sought his fortune in two of the most reviled businesses: bodybuilding and movie making. Rumors abound about drugs, steroids, drinking binges, womanizing, lewd behavior, gay photo shoots, beefcake and bullying. And I can’t wait to vote for him.

  35. If only I’d thought of Harlan a week ago (or Peter or someone else had mentioned it). You only need $3500 and 65 signatures from the same party as the candidate is registered to to get on the ballot, and the entertainment value alone of Harlan’s running, speeches, and press conferences would be well worth it. And I bet we could’ve gotten him on the ballot….

  36. Don’t forget wife abuse, rambunctious! Ask the reporters who used to work for Spy magazine. Not exactly wedded bliss for that frightened looking Kennedy cousin.

    I say, Morgan Freeman for Governor! He’s played president so many times in so many disaster flicks, even if California finally gets hit by the Big Quake which knocks the state off into the Pacific, he’ll keep everyone calm. Then he can ride the Reagan Express to the White House.

  37. Peter David: 9) RICARDO MONTALBAN: C’mon. Seriously. How cool would that be?

    Luigi Novi: My name is Khan. Please vote and entertain me.

    Andrew: I’m skeptical of a celebrity governor, simply because of the waste of flesh and bone that was Jesse Ventura. My state would have been far better off without that invalid son of a bìŧçh as our governor. The phenominal amount of time he wasted promoting his sorry self and his half-assed light-rail system (which there has been _no mention of_ since Pawlenty took office) could’ve been spent putting a pistol in his mouth and blowing his brains across the wall.

    Luigi Novi: ROTFLMAO!!!! No, c’mon, Andrew, tell us how you REALLY feel!!!

    Earl: I’m not a Nader supporter anymore. After reading Michael Moores ‘Stupid White Men’, I cant bring myself to support Nader anymore.

    Luigi Novi: And after reading numerous items on Moore like this the one at http://www.hardylaw.net/Truth_About_Bowling.html, I don’t take Michael Moore seriously any more.

  38. I wouldn’t support Nader for garbage collector after reading his lobbying to stop a proper car insurance policy in California, as recounted by Andrew Tobias in “My Vast Fortune” (a fun read, by the way). He’s done fine things in teh past, but he is so entangled now with trial lawyers that I think his judgement has been sadly skewed.

  39. Oh, but come on! How can you *resist* the notion of a televised debate between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Arianna Huffington? It would be an accent-filled humor fest! And they could get Kissinger to moderate…

  40. I cant believe that people who live in the state with one of , if not the, biggest air pollution problems in the country would be balls up ignorant enough to elect a man who drives a Hummer.

    And Luigi,believe what you want about Michael Moore, but considering that I saw that page that you have a link to for the first time when Michael Moores page was ILLEGALLY HACKED, and that page put in its place, The people who run that sitehave absolute ZERO credibility with me.

    As far as I am concerned, THEY are the ones who are liars.

  41. Micheal Moore is a jáçkášš who distorts the truth for his own amusement.

    I have no problem with a liberal view on issues, but Moore is just as bad, if not worse, than conservatives like Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage.

  42. 1) Alex Trebek is a very intelligent man from what I’ve heard. You can’t fake such a good French accent and apparently, he does read a lot. He does know enough to understand why contestants make particular wrong answers.

    2) I also voted for Kodos.

    3) I also agree that Enron has caused more damage to California than Davis. It sounds like the GOP wants California back and will use Ahnold to get it.

    4) Has everyone here forgotten “Demolition Man”? Not a bad idea in most cases, but Sandra Bullock’s character clearly referred to a “President Schwarzenegger” and he reached that position because of his popularity forcing the repeal of the Constitutional amendment currently prohibiting a non-US-citizen from becoming President. So, here we are in 2003 and a guy’s gotta start somewhere if he’s going to end up President. If Reagan can do it…there’s no rule that says you have to be a good actor to be a successful politician. And I’m hoping Arnold does more good for California than some other GOP celebrity like Charlton Heston.

    5) In a perfect world, Harlan Ellison or George Takei would be the guy. Either would be very cool.

  43. Steve: And Luigi, believe what you want about Michael Moore, but considering that I saw that page that you have a link to for the first time when Michael Moores page was ILLEGALLY HACKED, and that page put in its place, The people who run that sitehave absolute ZERO credibility with me. As far as I am concerned, THEY are the ones who are liars

    Luigi Novi: First, the people who hacked Moore’s site are not necessarily (and doubtfully) the creators and owners of that page I linked to, so I don’t see how you go from that particular A to B. The “Truth About Bowling for Columbine” was written by David T. Hardy. Do you think Hardy was the hacker? I doubt it. The credibility of the hackers is what is called into question, not the credibility of another page that they put on Moore’s site.

    Second, the point is irrelevant. The only relevant point is the substance of the counterarguments put forward by Hardy, many of which appear to be clear on their face, and which are backed up with plenty of reference to their sources: The fact that footage of Charlton Heston in the movie is taken from two different speeches (which accompanying photographs to illustrate the point) and spliced together to make an accusatory point, the fact the KKK and the NRA were not only not linked, but antithetical to one another (which can be corroborated by researching it), the truth about the grammar school boy who shot a classmate in Buell, the money given to Afghanistan prior to 9/11, the Lockheed Martin plant, the scene in which he buys ammo from a Canadian Wal-Mart, the footage of Moore’s interview with Heston at the end of the movie, etc.

    Besides, Hardy’s page isn’t the only one to criticize Moore for being less than scientific or objective with his reporting. Snopes.com has one piece here: http://www.snopes.com/rumors/flight.htm.

    The Opinion Journal has yet another one here: http://www.opinionjournal.com/diary/?id=110003233

    Front Page Magazine has one here that repeats Hardy’s material: http://frontpagemag.com/Articles/ReadArticle.asp?ID=6841

  44. I don’t care who wins in California. Florida has already won. Ever since the Great Vote Robbery of 2000, people have treated Floridians like idiots. (Old retired Jews voting for a Klansman by mistake. Rubes who can’t count. Hanging Chads, and we don’t mean the plan to execute Yale-educated tennis players with rope, which is a good idea.)

    Now, we can snicker at the biggest state in the union, the people who keep movies from being made in our Florida studios, the snobs who claim to have greater sophistication and intelligence than us supposed rubes. We get to watch them turn their state electoral crisis into a high school student council election – i.e. a dopey popularity contest.

    Woohoo!

  45. Posted by Mister B:

    Has everyone here forgotten “Demolition Man”? Not a bad idea in most cases, but Sandra Bullock’s character clearly referred to a “President Schwarzenegger” and he reached that position because of his popularity forcing the repeal of the Constitutional amendment currently prohibiting a non-US-citizen from becoming President. So, here we are in 2003 and a guy’s gotta start somewhere if he’s going to end up President.

    Is that right? I don’t recall that part of Demolition Man, but then again, it wasn’t a very memorable film. I tell ya, though, if that movie’s mention of President Schwarzenegger is at all a good sound- or video- bite, I’m sure Californians are going to hear a lot of it in the next few weeks…

  46. I feel that Arnold is VERY liberal (or as the media, is prone to say, a moderate)

    Er, what? The last time I checked, it was the other way around. The people that the media keeps calling liberals (like, say, Clinton) are moderates, or borderline conservatives. We don’t HAVE real liberals in major politics in the US. They’re all in Europe.

  47. By the way, in Terminator, I think he is a T-800 Model #101. Like all T-800’s endoskeletons look the same but the model number makes them different on the outside. It’s why Reese didn’t already know what he was going to look like in the first one.

    I never did understand what the use would be in creating a whole serious of killer cyborgs who all loked the same, AND talked in an austrian accent. At least you cleared up part of that…

  48. I have no problem with a liberal view on issues, but Moore is just as bad, if not worse, than conservatives like Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage.

    Well, he’s not outright mean-spirited the way Savage is, but he does share Limbaugh’s propensity for making up facts to fit his party line, which is why he lost my interest.

  49. Just an idle correction here to Mister B’s point #4…

    Only a natural-born citizen (not just any) can be President. Naturalized citizens may not run for the United States presidency (Alexander Hamilton couldn’t, back in the day). There are a few other eligibility tidbits, but this is the essential nugget of info.

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